Mommyhood Is Exhausting But Amusing...

I'm so tired--incredibly tired. I don't know when the last time I had a good night sleep was. Jacobe was sleeping pretty well and suddenly he's not. I get to sleep late because by the time I finally get him to sleep I haven't had any "Me" time and most likely any "Us" time with Joshua either. So we stay up late...usually to watch a movie. By the time I do get to bed Jacobe is ready to play again. Last night it took me an hour to get him back to sleep...only to have to repeat the process an hour later. I got lucky though, after that he actually slept until 5:30am. He was ready to play. I fed him, amused him for a bit then put him back in his crib and he slept for another 2 hours. I was lucky last night. I don't usually get that much sleep. So I'm pretty sleep deprived lately. Add to that Jaycie's seemingly non-stop whining (likely due to teething) and downright devious acts and throw in the fact that Jacobe seems to be in just as foul of a mood. Well, I'm not the jolliest person to be around lately. However, I do try to be patient with them. I don't always succeed.

In the midst of the recent dysfunction are glimmers of the happy children I once had. Such as today when I asked Jaycie if she was my fuzz head (a recent nickname for her that she loves). She replied saying "No, I'm not a fuzz head, I'm a little genius." So now anytime we ask her if she's a fuzz head she says she's a genius. Or like the other day when she came up to Josh, turned around, pointed to her booty and said, "There's a baby in there!" then farted. Where did she get that from?? She also came up to me today and said, "Hey Santa Claus, I need to potty." When I answered in my normal voice she insisted, "Hey SANTA CLAUS!" Until finally I answered in what must be Santa's voice with a hearty "Ho Ho Ho!" Not only Jaycie, I also get flashes of my sweet baby boy. My boy who used to be so happy is now usually crying if I'm not holding him and a lot of times when I am holding him. I'm at the end of my rope with him. I don't know what to do with him since he refuses to sleep at night or for naps. But when I'm reaching that point of total exasperation he looks up at me and smiles. He reminds me of that happy chunk that I love so much. OK, so I love him even when he's screaming bloody murder because I walked out of his sight... but it's nice to see him happy again. It must be teething. I hope I never ever have to have 2 teething children under the same roof again.

So, though my children are driving me insane right now and I tear my hair out and stare at the clock counting down the minutes to Josh's arrival, I still love them. And I try to remember the little things that they do that make me smile, or melt my heart, or have me rolling in laughter. I love being a mom, even when I hate it.