On Nursing In Public

When I was nursing my daughter I was very uncomfortable with the idea of nursing in public (or NIP). Thankfully, I had Jaycie in Germany. There is quite a different mindset over there about NIP. In fact, though not everyone does breastfeed, no one ever looks down on you for NIP. I soon became very comfortable nursing wherever I was as long as I was among Germans. NIP on the Army post was a different story. The very attitude that my fellow Americans had toward NIP was almost hostile and sometimes downright so. At the church I attended there was a fellow mom who nursed her infant son (child #4) during church. I wasn't quite so comfortable with NIP as to do that, I would take Jaycie to the cry room. I did try it once but felt the disapproving glares of every American in the sanctuary. Now, that could have just been my own insecurities playing tricks on me, but I felt it just the same.

Eventually I did get comfortable enough to nurse at restaurants (more out of necessity at first than anything else). But the most comfortable I ever felt while NIP was just enough to tuck myself away into a obscure corner and try to stay as incognito as possible. Even within the refuge of the women's lounge at Nordstrom I didn't feel comfortable. Actually, I think that it was there that I started to change how I felt about NIP. I mean in theory I felt that I should be able to nurse wherever whenever and never feel embarrassed, but I still did feel embarrassed. However, I'm the type of person to rebel against those who look down their noses at me in open contempt. And there, in Nordstrom's women's lounge, many women glared and whispered in shocked and gossipy tones at the nerve I must have had to feed my baby in such a public place.

How did we even get to that point? How did Americans get so against breastfeeding a baby that I am not safe from scorn even in a woman's lounge? When did breastfeeding in general become so repugnant? Breastmilk is the best nourishment for an infant. It even says so on cans of formula. When I found out I was pregnant with Jaycie I didn't even think about how I was going to feed her. I assumed I'd need lots of bottles though. Growing up it was rare to see someon actually breastfeeding. When I was forced to really think about it, of course I wanted to do what was best for my baby. So I researched. That's what I do, I research the crap out of things, plus I had a great resource available to me...www.babycenter.com and my birth board. So when all of us moms-to-be contemplated... err... fought about which was best I came to the conclusion that breastfeeding was indeed the best thing for my child. I wanted to exclusively breastfeed, but I wasn't confident enough in myself to actually do so. I questioned my instincts when others made their doubts clear. I allowed myself to be bullied and shamed into feeding Jaycie bottles of formula because I didn't trust myself. Instead of planning to NIP, I'd bring bottles so Jaycie wouldn't have to skip a meal if we'd be out long.

I'm not sure what happened, maybe I just gained more experience and confidence once I realized Jaycie was turning out OK so far. Or maybe it was because my husband became comfortable with NIP. I don't know. But by the time Jacobe came along I felt free to NIP. I still do. I'll nurse anywhere. I don't feel ashamed or embarrassed. I don't go and hide out. Sometimes I will opt to go into a quieter room, but not because I'm embarrassed. Other times I'll wait to nurse or go elsewhere because I know it makes someone in the room especially uncomfortable. I wonder if it's just that my confidence has grown and I don't care enough to notice others' reactions or if the mindset of Americans concerning NIP is changing. Is it becoming more mainstream to nurse, and to NIP? I certainly hope so. When I found the church we currently attend I met a lovely couple. They have three children and the youngest has recently had his first birthday. I was amazed when I saw her nurse her baby. And even more I admired her for doing so. She wasn't German like the only other person I knew who ever nursed in church. She was American and nursing in an American church. What amazed me even more was that no one minded her at all. It was just what it was. It wasn't scandalous, it wasn't repulsive, it was... natural.

Once I had Jacobe I felt free to nurse in church. My friend paved the way for me to feel comfortable nursing in church. And now I feel like I'm doing my small part in helping to change the way Americans feel about NIP. I want every mom to feel comfortable with doing one of the most natural things we can do for our babies. Don't get me wrong, I totally support modesty in NIP. I don't like to make others feel uncomfortable. I know some people who will whip out their boobs wherever they are. Some seem to relish in the way they make others squirm. I might not always cover fully with a blanket (it does get hot) but I assure you, you won't have to see my boob. I never covered with a blanket in the "Mother Rooms" in Germany (rooms set aside for parents to change or feed their kids). They were never equipped with air conditioning. Fathers would come up to me and talk with me while patting Jaycie's (gasp) exposed head. I felt neither embarrassed or immodest. I chatted with them like nothing was going on. Indeed, nothing was. I was feeding my baby just like they were changing diapers and one was no more immodest of an act than the other.

I thought about this a lot today after church. What brought it to mind? We sit near the back of the church (it's easy escape if one of the kids blow a gasket). In the row behind us is a line of amazing women. They love to coo at Jacobe and bribe Jaycie to sit with them by flashing pens and candy (it doesn't take much really, all they'd have to do is motion for her to come and she'd be there in a flash). One lady commented on Jacobe's outfit one Sunday and said how he looked like such a little man and that when her son was a baby they only had little gowns for baby boys and she had to make her own pants for him if she wanted him in anything else. Then she went on to say "but my baby is 72 now." She has a baby who's 72? Wow! That's incredible to me. Like I said, these women are amazing. Today, as I nursed Jacobe one of the ladies bent forward to tell me how in her day women didn't need to cover their babies with blankets and they would just nurse anywhere whenever they needed to. They apparently carried these small crocheted hankies and placed them on their breast to cover up. That was it. A handkerchief. Here I am nursing Jacobe under a blanket and all I need is a handkerchief. I should have asked her to make me one. I can just picture those same women in that same row in the same church (it's an old church) all nursing their little babies together each with a crocheted hankie sitting politely on their breast. Is it just me? Am I the only one who thinks that that is the most awesome thing ever? See, this is why I never ever mind nursing in front of old people. Because "back in their day" NIP was normal. There wasn't even a term for nursing in public. Why would there be? Just like today no one says "bottle-feeding in public". I hope that one day we'll get back to that mindset.

I also hope that I don't sound preachy. When Jacobe was in NICU I had plenty of time to talk with the nurses. They asked me if I was going to breastfeed and if I felt comfortable doing so because there were plenty of classes available for me if I didn't. I assured them that I was and that I nursed my daughter until she was 15 mos. They were amazed that I was able to make it so long and each proceeded to say how long they had made it--6 mos, 8 mos, etc. I laughed and told them that if I had a full-time job I wouldn't have even made it to 3 mos. I absolutely despise pumping. But as it was I stayed at home with nothing better to do than nurse nurse nurse. And whether it was all the extensive research I did on breastfeeding or my luck, I had no problems nursing either babies. They both had perfect latches, I made the perfect amount of milk (still do), and I've only had to battle mastitis a few times. Even a week in NICU wasn't enough to deter my resolve to breastfeed. I just took my baby home and nursed nursed nursed. And I'm still nursing--anywhere and anytime I need to.

PS, I love old people. After church we were shopping for groceries when Jacobe flashed an older man passing by a huge smile. He stopped and asked Josh how old he was and when Josh told him he was six months the man laughed and in jest said, "It's a shame you don't feed that baby enough!" I'm still laughing. I love it!